karatetentacles

beda? what's that.

shit's hit the fan and I'm just spinning round with it.

I dunno. I just feel all over the place. Everything is moving too fast. I can't even get caught up in the "oh that was my last Lancer Day!!" because I'm too busy worrying about reading Jane Eyre and making sure the FreeLancer will exist and working on my newspaper shit and guh. And then there's the things that are sad in my life like Esther and my alcoholic parents and my alcoholic student body.

OH ALSO I have a job. this is a good and a bad thing.

GOOD: I don't have to stress out about money anymore! It fills up time that I'd spend playing bloons anyway!
BAD: I wish I could spend that bloons-time doing homework or something...

Something cool: I was voted NHS president, which is nice. I was sort of sick of losing elections.

There are these people I want to be friends with and do things with but I don't want to come on too strong or be weird or anything. So I try and wait for invitations and try really hard not to invite myself to things and all that. But I dunno. I can't get a feel if it's a pity-invite or a hey-we-like-you-just-thought-in-the-past-you-wouldn't-be-interested-invite or anything. But I try not to overthink it and just go with it which is what everyone should do all the time.

Ugh sometimes I just make really good mix CDs that just are perfect for occasions.

I decided that instead of NaNoWriMo I'm going to create/do FOCAM: Fill Out College Applications Month. Fuck. FUCK! Erase college from my mind too much TOO MUCH. Welp added bonus of NHS president I'm pretty much a shoo-in for any college of my choosing. Just gotta pay for it ERASE ERASE ERASE TOO MUCH

I think I'm just gonna curl up and read Jane Eyre and sleep for a looooong time.

I hate that the school doesn't give us planners until the 3rd day. I have lots of homework and lots of thing to worry about and no planner to tell me what to do. It's very distressing and stress-ful and just bad.

School, GIVE ME MY PLANNER NOW not at the end of tomorrow agh!!

School is exhausting. We've been having our 7 period days the past 2 days. They are so long and awful and I have so many books and papers and crap and I just want to curl up and bed and sleep. Which is what I did when I got home.

Homework load isn't too much yet. And it'll probably be really bad now, then eventually lighten up when it gets closer to graduation and the teachers realize that we don't care anymore. I barely care now. But I just gotta make it through the year and I'll be fine.

Now I get to worry about colleges and stuff yay!!! So I might go on some visits soon. Probably only a few -- KU and Grinnell and maybe Kenyon. No east coast or west coast schools for me! I might try University of Denver. And maybe, just maybe, I'll make a quest up to UNI to visit the school and MORGAN!! Morgan if you are reading this (probably not because you are busy with life) you should let me know when I should visit. I'll call you sometime ok ok.

Welp off to sleep. More fun awaits at school tomorrow~

Long day at school.

I'm sick of the feeling of my computer in my lap. I hate it. I don't like it at all. I hate getting too much sleep where I'm always tired and a little groggy and there's that gross taste in my mouth.

See it feels bad now but it's gonna get better see it feels bad now but it's gonna get better see it feels bad now but it's gonna get better someday.

Ok, Mr. Wakey!Wakey, I have made mistakes, I don't deny that. And yes, I want to stay in bed despite the light outside. Please stay right here, because I saved your life once, jerk.

Whatever. I have a headache and I'm upset at nothing and I'm just very dissatisfied with my life.

it's over it's over it's over.

QT drinks are full price and summer homework is due.

I have to wake up at 6.

I have to drive in the morning.

I have homework to do and responsibilities to take care of.

I have to see people I don't want to see necessarily. Not that I necessarily hate anyone or don't want to see anyone. But I don't get to choose the people I'm seeing in my classes. Oh well.

I made Mr. Royer a cheesecake. I missed him so much. I also missed Ms. Beachy. AND I MISS PULSINELLI SO MUCH. But I don't get to see him. *tear*

Shaved my legs in honor of the new school year. That's a thing right.

Soon I get to worry about college applications and teacher recommendations and deadlines and homework and due dates and money and shit.

But not right now. Right now, it's still summer. Technically.

The last few weeks of summer have kind of been the worst. I mean, nothing horrible has happened, but everyone's been so busy, so I've been stuck at home instead of ~goin out with my friends.~ I like staying up late on skype with people, but being IRL is different and I like it and stuff. Being on the computer all day every day is just exhausting and gives me headaches and stuff. I'm sick of being inside and just watching movies all day but it's too hot to go outside and I hate the outside but being inside makes me hate the inside and UGH I'M JUST SO BORED ALL THE TIME.

I'm so nervous about school and all the stress that will come with it. I prefer wanting to do things over having to do things. With FreeLancer the first year, I didn't HAVE to do anything. I chose to. And now I've made myself responsible and stuff. And I HAVE to volunteer for NHS. And I HAVE to do shittons of work for newspaper. Not to mention my countless classes that I have to do homework for.

I mean, I guess I don't HAVE to do homework. Only if I want to get good grades, which I don't HAVE to do. But I want to have the FreeLancer and I want to be in NHS and I want to be in Newspaper... and if I want all these things there are certain things I have to do. So I really shouldn't complain, because in the end, I'm still getting what I want.

I hate when people go all apeshit about grades. You know, it's your choice. You don't HAVE to go to college. Sure, your parents might pressure you, but it's your decision in the end. It's worthless to worry about grades. Who cares? It's a letter on a piece of paper. It doesn't mean anything. It doesn't change you in any way. Who cares if you fail a test? It pisses me off.

IT
DOESN'T
MATTER.

Not a smidgen. It's the worst thing in the world to get worked up over. Honestly, if not getting straight A's is the worst thing that can happen to you, you live a pretty goddamn charmed life, so stop fucking complaining. I don't give a shit if you have a 5.0 GPA or a freaking 2.5. It doesn't matter. Tests and grades and all that crap, none of it matters. No one cares. And if 10 years from now you look back and your greatest high school memory is getting an A+ on a test, I pity you. Because it's not about the grades, it's about the experiences you have as you get older and as you start to see the world differently. It's not about the grades you get, but the things you learn inside and outside the classroom.

The only class I ever wanted to get an A in was English in 10th grade. Because that grade meant I was living up to P-Nelli's expectations, that I was accomplishing everything he thought we all should have been able to. I never got there, but I learned so much just trying. I threw myself into the assignments, because they weren't just busy-work like so many other classes. I tried, and I failed, but One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest became one of my favorite books. And I was proud of that B, because it really meant something, and I really tried.

This is getting really long and dumb so I'm done blogging now.

Days until school: 2 fml.

so sharks.

they are very misunderstood, except not any longer because of the beauty of shark week.

they have massive teeth that can cut easily and will kill you if you aren't careful!

this is a dumb blog. I start school on freaking TUESDAY. ugh. I'm already so stressed out about everything. This isn't cool.

Too stressed to blog. want to sleep. ok night

ok I started writing this thing it is not polished or done or anything but I don't want to blog really so you get this ok you're welcome!

-----

Strange how butterflies once so familiar looked so foreign.

Were they out of place, or was she?

So hastily stuck on once-bare walls, as a 14-year-old girl giddily peeled off stickers and haphazardly aligned them. She had intentionally varied the sizes and colors of the butterfly stickers, as to look more organic. Because nothing said "natural" like synthetic stickers on a white wall.

But the color wasn't white – it was "ivory." Or "eggshell." Or something else precise and specific and detailed. But to her, the walls were white. White, with the top adorned with multicolored butterfly stickers. At one point, a bed sat directly below the stickers. It was how the girl had gotten them that high to begin with. There were about 15 stickers, decently sized (approximately the same size as a baseball, though they varied), situated near where the white wall met the white popcorn ceiling. They looked so awkward, in such an unremarkable part of the room. The bed was now against the opposite wall, a desk too far to the left. What belonged below the butterflies?

A woman was staring at the butterflies. Or, more accurately, the spot underneath them.

I came across a bank deposit slip from about a year ago. Hard to believe my bank account once contained over $1000. Where the hell did all that money go?!

I'm jobless, and broke, and literally paying for things in dimes. I can't ask my parents for money because they are also short on cash. Stupid economy. Give my dad his nice paying job back.

I dunno. My lack of money is just making itself abundantly known. I need to work. I need. I NEED.

I am too tired to make this any good at all. OH WELL.

5 days of summer. 99 days until Deathly Hallows/My Birthday. 335 days until LeakyCon.

I feel sort of bad about not caring about blogging, because I want to care and I want to make decent, interesting, someone fun-to-read posts, but all I do is post crap that I randomly write in the blogging compose thing and post it off for the internet to ignore.

But I'm tired, and want to do this whole BEDA thing, and I started posting something heartfelt and honest and thoughtful -- but I got too tired halfway through and I'm not in the mood to finish it and it's 3AM and I'm awake.

So I think I'm gonna sneak away and go to sleep, not watch the Pretty Little Liars finale tomorrow morning, and try and figure out how to pack a full 2 months of summer into the next 6 days before school starts.

Yesterday's angry blog post that no one read because it was stupid got me thinking about something.

What's the difference between "people" and "characters?"

I have a few musings on this difference.

I am a person. I have strengths and weaknesses and likes and dislikes and imperfections and bad days and complex feelings and complex emotions. I am full of organs and only I know that my thumbs crack weirdly and that at this exact moment one of the stitches in the bottom right corner of my mouth hurts. Only I know exactly how that feels.

The reason stereotypes exist is because it's easier to empathize with something that isn't real or true. Something that's basic and that you don't have to think about. Something that is so void of anything "actual" that it becomes relatable to you. So we have all these ideas of stereotypes and of "normal, typical, everyday people" in our brain and we just mix those ideas with our own experiences and thoughts and emotions, and then we can project those stereotypes onto real, actual people. Then those real, actual people stop being actual people in our brains, and they become the people that we see and the people that we can understand and empathize with.

Everything in the world that we see, we see with our own experiences and actions and feelings and thoughts projecting themselves onto the item in question. We use our own observations where we don't so much see the item, but we see what the item represents. When you see a pencil, what you see literally is a piece of wood with lead inside with a rubber thing on the end, but what you "see" is a way to communicate and you see your memories of holding your first #2 Ticonderoga pencil in Kindergarten while someone is trying to explain to you what those weird scribbly things next to the picture of Spot the Dog mean.

Everything is a symbol and a metaphor and means something and has value.

So when you see another human being -- someone who is also taking in everything and projecting themselves onto everything -- and you project that bit of yourself onto that person, they stop being a person. They become a character. A character in your life, and you see them how you want to see them and make judgments based on your own past. So you use all those stereotypes and fictional people and your own knowledge to create a character on top of a person.

There is value in "imagining people complexly," but you can't empathize with a person. You have to put yourself onto them, see that bit of yourself in another person, before you can empathize. And then you're empathizing with a character.

None of this really makes sense my brain is stupid and bad at communicating its ideas. So this is my blog hope you like it I'm gonna go try to write a book but will probably end up re-reading Catcher in the Rye.

Whatever this blog post doesn't even matter.

Alright, I'm gonna go off on a little rant here about how people have stupid opinions.

I was minding my own business, perusing the tumblr "nickelodeonkids" because they post some pretty cute pics of the iCarly gang and I love iCarly, and I came across something... weird. The gal who runs the tumblr was asked who she "shipped" on the various Nickelodeon shows, and this was her response:

"iCarly: SPAM, Spencer & Sam. CREDDIE, Carly & Freddie. I use to really like Sam & Freddie together.
Big Time Rush: LOMILLE, Logan & Camille.
Zoey 101: QUOGAN, Quin & Logan. LICHAEL, Lola & Michael
Victorious: TANDRE, Tori & Andre. JECK, Jade & Beck.
The Troop: JAYLEY, Jake & Hayley

In Real Life,
I don’t know why, but I think Jennette McCurdy & Avan Jogia are dating so, Javan & James Maslow + Miranda Cosgrove, I don’t know why either.

That was a longish post."

I have a few bones to pick with this.

1) SPAM. Ok. WHAT. EWW! WHAT EVEN IS THIS! That is so gross! Spencer is OLD! Like, what even! I don't... why do people think like this! "Oh, look, two costars on a tv show. They would be a good couple." NO THEY WOULDN'T! That doesn't even make sense! It is for this reason I hate so many Harry Potter shippers. Ugh. Like everyone who ships Neville/Luna... where is the back-up for that! Where does that even make sense! Just because they are a BOY and a GIRL who are FRIENDS does NOT MEAN they have to GET TOGETHER that is the most obnoxious freaking thing in the entire world!!!! It's like, I can't even have a guy who is a friend without everyone being all "omg are u guyz like dating~~"
FUCK YOU NO WE'RE NOT DATING and it's really awkward to be all "Ohhhh we're just friendsssss" and it's like people make assumptions and shit and it's really freaking annoying ok?!

And really, Sam and Spencer OH GOD it's just gross!!!! That's even grosser than Spencer and Freddie's MOM and that made me SCREAM!

2) Why does this person think it is cute to make the couple names for all of those people. They aren't even good couple names. Some of the best fictional couples in the world don't have good names... aka Ron and Hermione. Harry Potter again ok I can't get rid of my fanfiction roots. Once I read a Ginny/Dumbledore fanfiction. Dark times. Ugh that's also an annoyance of mine.

3) No, it's not ok to ship real-life romances. It's shit like that that explains why the Disney Channel is pretty much forcing Zac Efron to date Vanessa Hudgens. They definitely aren't ACTUALLY dating, or wouldn't, or whatever, I don't even care, I just want to marry Zac Efron, ok?

This is a really stupid blog post. I'm gonna shut up and watch some jpmetz videos ok.

my internet has been really annoying lately and I don't do well with that so I'm just really annoyed with the internet right now. and I don't want to be online all the time but I am now because it's hot outside so I can't go be weird with my friends at a park as usual and also I'm broke so I can't do anything really not even put gas in my car.

I'm flat broke. running-out-of-quarters broke. it's very annoying. I need a well-paying, steady job, but I can't work because school is starting and I cannot work doing the school year. but I might have to since I absolutely HAVE to go to LeakyCon. at this point it's not really a discussion. I'm going. that's all there is to it. I am getting on a plane on or before July 13 to go to Orlando, Florida. I don't care if I have to stowaway or rob a bank or what, I just know I'm going to be there.

Huh. You know what I realized? Today is 8/8/10. Two years after 8/8/08. That was the first huge youtube gathering thing that I ever heard of. Aww.

umm I was about to go off on another tangent but I forgot it. so I'm gonna make a list.

things I want to do:
watch hey arnold
read my book
read winnie the pooh
have a boyfriend

things I am about to do:
read my book ;)

I need a new notebook/journal/observation diary thing. I lost mine a while ago and that makes me sad because it was so pretty and had really important things written in it.

Thinking about that makes me think about writer's workshop which makes me think of a stupid boy I had a stupid crush on in that not stupid class. boys are stupid and dumb and I don't like them.

anyway. I'm tired. and have to be up semi-early tomorrow. so I'm going to go read and stuff ok bye

i'm tired.

you know what I like? driving. it's a good thing.

I also like talking to people that I like.

blogging is ok.

I don't like school and I don't like being awake when I'm tired but sometimes I'll be talking to people that I like while being awake while I'm tired (weird, that's happening right now) while also blogging.

school starts soon. not too excited. not too excited at all........

this is a bad blog and i am very sorry but only kind of sorry. i'm going to sleep because that's all i do anymore.

booooooooooooklist
1. Huck Finn -- Mark Twain
2. A Farewell To Arms -- Ernest Hemmingway
3. The Great Gatsby -- F. Scott Fitzgerald
4. Scarlet Fever -- Maureen Johnson
5. The Raw Shark Texts -- Steven Hall
6. The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao -- Junot Díaz
7. Paper Towns -- John Green
8. High Fidelity -- Nick Hornby
9. The Time Traveler's Wife -- Audrey Niffeneger
10. About a Boy -- Nick Hornby
11. Cold Mountain -- Charles Frazier
12. Rejoice -- McSweeney's
13. Best New American Voices 2009 -- edited by Mary Gatskill
14. Will Grayson, Will Grayson -- John Green
15. Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone -- JK Rowling
16. God Says No -- James Hannaham
17. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows -- JK Rowling
18. How to Read Literature Like a Professor -- Thomas Foster
19. Matilda -- Roald Dahl
20. Lord of the Flies -- William Golding
21. Eats, Shoots And Leaves -- Lynne Truss

currently reading:
bowl of cherries (though I left it at a friend's house)
confessions of a tax collector (which I'm not really devoted to just yet)

want to read:
harry potter and the order of the phoenix
I'm due for a catcher re-read
any suggestions? I'd love to hear them. COMMENTS.

so last night for some reason I couldn't get to sleep and I'm not sure why. at first I was freaking out about my schedule and everything because they put me in spanish 1 instead of spanish 3 and I'm worried that by moving into spanish 3 they'll have to move all my other classes around which will be very annoying and sort of hard to do.

schedule:
hr 1. sociology (w/ yoda, only offered first and second hour (second hour with franklin))
hr 2. physics h (which can probably change)
hr 3. spanish 1 (which needs to change but I don't think there's a spanish 3 third hour)
hr 4. newspaper (which can only be 4th hour or 5th hour)
hr 5. calc 3/differential equations (which can only be 4th hour or 5th hour)
hr 6. ap us government (which can probably change)
hr 7. english 12 ap (which can probably change)

I forsee them moving my english to first hour, sociology to 2nd, physics to 3rd, and then a 2nd hour spanish 3. if such a thing exists.

no one really cares about this but I need to type it all out.

and then I stopped worrying about all that and tried to fall asleep but then called my friend jules instead because i love him and i knew he'd be awake and we talked for a while and then i went to sleep at like 3:30 and now it's 9:30 and i am tired but can't go to sleep.

I'll just read I guess.

teeth are the worst.
my mouth tastes like blood and i'm not allowed to rinse it out for 12 hours.
i'm spitting into a blood bucket.
my mouth doesn't hurt too bad though so that's good.
i just can't smile.
which is ok because i hate everything.
jk you guys should know that i smile at everything and make jokes and laugh a lot even at inappropriate times. it's just a thing that i do.

------------

a few hours later, things are still fine. ate some food. I have some really awesome friends. emily and megan came over and just laid in bed with me and brought me quik trip and it was so nice of them. they would have brought me peachwave but I'm not allowed to have dairy yet.

my brother is also nice sometimes. apparently he drove around all day doing stuff pretty much for me. my mom asked him too, sure, and he just got his license (so did I don't judge) so he's probably excited to drive, but he filled my pain medication prescription and got my parking pass for school and went to the store and got stuff to make soup that we are only having because of my mouth.

I'm very tired. the anesthetics haven't entirely worn off, and plus the pain meds have a side effect of drowsiness. I'll probably read a book and fall asleep or something.

I filmed a 7ab video today but it won't upload and I don't want to deal with it right now. sooo. I'm sending it to eevee. she doesn't know I'm blogging about her. haahaha.

I like this whole driving thing. it's really nice.

ok so I sort of want to talk about boggarts since that's what my friend katie did. my biggest fear is regret, actually. I fear that I won't experience everything and not do something and that I'll regret not doing this and that. you only get one chance at high school and one chance at life, and it's so important to just do everything you can. I'm not afraid I'll regret DOING something, but that I'll regret NOT doing something. I want to go to every dance and every event and do as much as I can with as much intensity and truth and passion as I can.

so that's what I'm going to do after college, or maybe even before college. I'm going to get out there and go everywhere and see everything and regret nothing. I'm going to push buttons and push limits and get in trouble and get out of trouble. because I'm so scared I'll et stuck, or that the thing that would truly make me happy, I won't find because I won't be adventurous enough to go do it.

and I can't fear pain (of the physical kind) or homesickness or any of that. I don't wanna be a tree with deep roots that go way down into where I am. I wanna be... a shark, always parading the waters, always looking for my "meal" (of fun!) and stuff. so my patronus is a shark fun how I did that hey what's up paul.

ok this is a really long blog if you read this far please comment just saying you read it ok? ok. <3

countdowns:
12 days before school
106 days before DH part 1
342 days before LeakyCon 2011

listening to: your love is my drug -- ke$ha don't judge me

today I saw Charlie St. Cloud. it was not a good movie, but it wasn't bad, so I was happy watching it -- especially since there was Zefron.

maybe I have an unhealthy obsession with Zefron, but you can't tell me what to do or who to love! AND I LOVE ZEFRON. he is so nice looking. and it was great to see him in a movie where he wasn't playing a teenager. I mean I guess at the beginning he was supposed to be graduating high school, but most of the movie took place "five years later" so he was 23 I guess. which is his actual age! weird. yes I just looked that up. wikipedia. sup.



his hair is so much nicer in Charlie St. Cloud. it is beautiful. I like him a lot ok. and fabulous boy hair is hard to find. most boys have horrible hair. I like a man with nice hair.

Yes, I am projecting all my feelings onto someone "unattainable" because I am a little bit afraid of my own feelings yes. it's a thing I do every so often when I want a boyfriend but do not actually want feelings involved because feelings are yucky and gross and people just get hurt not me but the other person. I don't wanna talk about it.

listening to: party in the... I mean... a really cool song
off to: cinzetti's for a stuco reunion it'll be a good time.

It's really hot in my room.

I miss all the bookworms but I'm talking to them so that is nice. Except I'm talking to myself. But I hate Eevee so she can suck it.

[08/03/10] Jefferson.: <333333333333333
[08/03/10] eevee: bitch

I have 180 ways to bang your mom
oh that's not nice

really cool things:
1. katy
2. boobs
3. katy's boobs

jk I hate all the bookworms and I hope they die in a fiery pit of doom and despair where they belong. I hate when they elongate their livesssssssssssssssssssss.

Paul is the worst

[08/03/10] Paul(SaysThings): i'm being serious here
[08/03/10] Paul(SaysThings): and no one else is and its not working
[08/03/10] Rachel: (punch) [08/03/10] ~ktentacles~: when have we ever been serious
[08/03/10] ~ktentacles~: rachel: "welcome to the channel paul"
-- silence --
rachel: i think the punch to paul's face might have been a little much

I only have six minutes to finish this. clearly this is all I'm gonna get because I love my bookworms so much

2 comments

My name is Katy Westhoff, and I am a teenage girl.

I just watched the Hannah Montana movie and I'm listening to Taylor Swift and I can't wait for the new episode of Pretty Little Liars. I like cute boys and think beer is gross and I wear make-up to hide my pimples.

Whatever. I'm a senior in high school. Just another year, then it's on to bigger and better things. I'm not sure what the plan is -- I might take a gap year before college, I might just go to community college for the first year or two, I might go off to Grinnell; who knows. Whatever I do, it'll be different than the last 17 years of my life.

I'm actually pretty excited for school to start, to be honest. It should be a stress-filled, drama-filled, party-filled, and KICK ASS year, and I am pumped.

I miss you a lot, bookworms and catitude and random people I know, but I'm sort of doing a different thing now. I'm just consistently inconsistent. :) I'm glad BEDA has opened up another window through which to connect and talk and be friends. I'm trying my best to comment and read as many beda blogs as possible. If you are reading this, post your link in the comments of this so I can read yours, too! If you are reading this I'm sure you are a lovely person.

countdowns:
14 days until school starts
109 days until harry potter and the deathly hallows part 1 SLASH my birthday
344 days until Leaky Con 2011

Someone remind me to write/mail out a letter to Sierra thanks

hello it's august and BEDA and apparently I'm going to start august 2nd that's ok right.

weird, last BEDA I was a sophomore in high school and now I'm going to be a senior. weird weird weird! a few months can make a huge difference, huh? BEDA completely skipped over the entirety of my junior year. that's ok, though. not a big year. most of the good stuff didn't start happening until april/may.

so.

right now I'm rockin' some silly bandz. a crown, a bunny, a popsicle, "TTYL," and "LOL." also, a really lame/awesome "friendship bracelet" with a bunch of random beads on it that I just find hilarious and ironic.

last night I went to my second drinking party. I did not drink because there was only beer which is quite disgusting and I had to watch out for my pal. there were very attractive males there. I was very pleased with their attractiveness. graduated Rockhurst boys. mmmmm. it was not a very big party, but there was beer pong on an awkward table, and I watched the pretty boys play. I only knew my pal there, but I made some friends. we played zoomy zoomy, a super fun drinking game. then the dad came home and it was hilarious and awkward and we got the fuck out of there. whoo!

I'm hungry.

is it weird if I sort of miss summer gym? for three weeks I saw the same group of people every day, and now I'll probably never see them again. I mean, a few of them go to my school so I'll see them sometimes, but not too frequently... it's sad.

I'm gonna go eat now though. and maybe take a nap. and maybe blog a second time later to catch up for beda. ok!

listening to: middle of nowhere // hot hot heat

I'm tired.

feel sick because my parents decided not to feed me and I ate half a lunchable and some sour cream and onion pringles -- that's it.

very annoyed.

can't find my phone.

honestly, not digging avps that much.

CAN'T FIND MY FUCKING SERVICE-LESS PHONE.

sisters have friends over. more of a life than me.

don't wanna tell anyone this because i'd just like it if everyone KNEW i was in a bad mood, instinctively, and could just bring me a nice turkey sandwich right to my bed and refill my glass of cherry limeade, without me having to say anything or text anyone or think at all. and I don't care if that's stupid and selfish and impossible and silly: it's what I want. and not "everyone," obviously. just one person, maybe.

Yes, I'll actually be celebrating my 38th birthday on November 19th, when Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows premiers.

booooooooooooklist
1. Huck Finn -- Mark Twain
2. A Farewell To Arms -- Ernest Hemmingway
3. The Great Gatsby -- F. Scott Fitzgerald
4. Scarlet Fever -- Maureen Johnson
5. The Raw Shark Texts -- Steven Hall
6. The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao -- Junot Díaz
7. Paper Towns -- John Green
8. High Fidelity -- Nick Hornby
9. The Time Traveler's Wife -- Audrey Niffeneger
10. About a Boy -- Nick Hornby
11. Cold Mountain -- Charles Frazier
12. Rejoice -- McSweeney's
13 ah forgot the title will edit later
14. Will Grayson, Will Grayson -- John Green
15. Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone -- JK Rowling
16. God Says No -- James Hannaham
17. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows -- JK Rowling
18. How to Read Literature Like a Professor -- Thomas Foster
19. Matilda -- Roald Dahl

I am so behiiiiind. soon I will add:
bowl of cherries
eats, shoots and leaves
lord of the flies
some other books I'm sure maybe the other potters idk

I'd just like to clarify something, for posterity's sake.

I've only been to ONE party. Not several parties. Turns out, the reason I never went to one before wasn't for lack of desire, but for lack of invitation. I thought it was a combination, or that people didn't invite me because they figured I wouldn't be interested. As it happens, such is not the case. And that's fine. So don't go thinking my life is all different or whatever. It's not.

By the way, booklist. It's been a while.

1. Huck Finn -- Mark Twain
2. A Farewell To Arms -- Ernest Hemmingway
3. The Great Gatsby -- F. Scott Fitzgerald
4. Scarlet Fever -- Maureen Johnson
5. The Raw Shark Texts -- Steven Hall
6. The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao -- Junot Díaz
7. Paper Towns -- John Green
8. High Fidelity -- Nick Hornby
9. The Time Traveler's Wife -- Audrey Niffeneger
10. About a Boy -- Nick Hornby
11. Cold Mountain -- Charles Frazier
12. Rejoice -- McSweeney's
13. Will Grayson, Will Grayson -- John Green

Currently Reading: Confessions of a Tax Collector by Richard Yancey

Jamming to: Bright Eyes, Taylor Swift, and Wakey!Wakey. Someone's Angsty!Angsty!! (it's me)
QT Dranks: 9.

to all the kids who have school in june:
hahaha suck my dick.

there are butterflies in my stomach every time my phone lights up.

I feel way more comfortable posting the intimacies of my life on my blog. No one reads it, and if they do, well, I have nothing to be afraid of.

And, I mean, for the really personal things, I have my angst tumblr. ;)

idk. Boys are dumb. I wouldn't even care about him a little bit if HE hadn't approached ME first. So I feel less pathetic thinking about it that way.

In other news.

As is probably common knowledge, I went to a party and got my drank on last... Friday, was it? No matter. The interesting part was I called my parents beforehand, just to say that I would not be coming home. The conversation went as follows:

"So what are you guys doing tonight?"
"Oh, um, I don--"
"Your mom thinks you're going to a party."
"Um, I, uh..."
"Be safe."

WHY DO MY PARENTS WANT ME TO PARTY. They want me to wear "normal" clothes and all this crap. I don't get it. I think they just want me to fit in. Apparently in the class sociology, parents have a need for their kids to have that "insider" status. And I completely get that. That idea of intimacy with peers, of being "in," not alone, all that. That's why inside jokes are so important, why humor connects people the way it does.

I mean, it's not like my parents are forcing me out to parties, but I can tell they've always been sort of worried about me. I'm weird and have odd habits and have had a nonexistent social life, until recently. And they're just encouraging this new "path" or whatever you want to call it.

Whatever I'm tired just some musings before I go to sleep.

QT dranks: 8
jamming to: jay-z and taylor swift

So. I'm surprised I haven't gotten some backlash yet.

I'm a different person than I was this time last year. I have friends. I'm going to parties -- with alcohol and weed and crazy antics. I'm not on skype ever. I've been out of my house every night this summer. I'm happy, I'm a teenager, I'm living life. I'm fawning over a boy notorious for being a ladies' man. I listen to Ke$ha, Jay-Z, Asher Roth.

That doesn't change the fact that I'm still a nerd, though. I was up at 6AM the other morning talking about the show Recess. I make references to Friends. I still listen to my DFTBA Records artists. I hung out with Darci and completely dorked out over this really AWESOME stuff.

And look! Of all things, I'm BLOGGING.

I'm doing stuff I've never done before. But I'm still, at heart, the same. I'm a dork, I'm weird, I'm a nerd. The biggest thing I'm excited for is the fact that Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows comes out on my birthday. My 18th birthday!! And there are 409 days until LeakyCon 2011.

I'm done worrying about school, newspaper, the FreeLancer, student council, AP tests... it's over. I can swim. I can tan. I can, after a year of hard work, finally relax.

QT 32-oz drinks: 6
Bought: 11

Do you tend to speed when you drive?
I'm terrified of everything also i don't drive yet

Does your temper flare a lot?
nah i keep it under wraps pretty well

Do you get emotional easily?
not too much. i cry sometimes but emotions don't get the better of us westhoffs. we don't have emotions.

Which shoe goes on first?
Left

Are you lazy?
Haha.

Name one thing you do that people always tell you about:
umm. sing. poorly.

Are you superstitious?
not really.

Do you get bored with relationships quickly?
yes, actually, that accurately describes everything.

Can you sleep without blankets covering you?
right now i have no blankets.

What do you sleep in?
a bed?

YOUR ABCs

A - is for the last person that made you ANGRY: ummm I don't remember.

B - is for BEER you prefer: nonexistent beer B)

C - is for do you have a CAT?: a horrible thing

D - is for can you DANCE?: B)

E - is for do you have your EARS pierced?: nope

F - is for your best FRIEND: at this point? probably Alysabeth.

G - is for did you ever watch GUTS on Nickelodeon?: of course!!!!

H - is for the last person who HUGGED you?: honestly probably Mr. Nickels. I don't hug a lot.

I - is for close your eyes.. what IMAGE do you see?: me sleeping.

J - is for have you ever been to JAIL?: haahha no.

K - is for when is the last time you flew a KITE?: let's go fly a kite up to the highest height.

L - is for your first LOVE: Patrick, preschool, possibly imaginary.

M - is for the last piece of MAIL you got: a bunch of valentine's cards from BLAZE love you girl

N - is for do you remember NERF guns?: still have some B)

O - is for do you OWN a car?: yes; can't drive it, but own it.

P - is for your favorite PAST TIME: internet?

Q - is for do you like peace & QUIET: sometimes. mostly yes. I like to sleep.

R - is for do you like the color RED?: one of my favorites, actually.

S - is for how many hours of SLEEP you need to function?: 12.

T - is for what TIME is it?: 11:04.

U - is for what is UNDER your bed?: a bunch of clothes that could probably fit my sisters now.

V - is for what you did last VALENTINES day: ummmm i don't even remember. homework

W - is for do you drink a lot of WATER?: no, I'm a carbonated beverage girl.

X - is for have you ever had an X-RAY?: yeah, I broke my arm when I was 5 or something.

Y - is for the last person you YELLED at?: Alysabeth. but not angry yell. just... we yell.

Z - is for have you ever watched ZORRO?: I think with my cousins one time.

RANDOM

Who do you wish you could hang out with right now?: brody

Name one thing you absolutely can not stand: bad teeth

Where do you spend most of your time?: in bed/alysabeth's car

Have you ever hit a squirrel when you were driving?: no )':

Did your car ever break down?: no

What is the longest amount of time you’ve been awake?: 12 hours. lol no I've made it 24 I think one time. Then I slept for the next 30 hours.

What would you do if you found out the world was ending in one week?: it's been one week since you looked at me, cocked your head to the side and said I'm angry

Do scary movies make you paranoid when you watch them alone?: I don't watch scary movies ever.

Name one thing you’ve lied about recently: umm I told alysabeth i didn't give brody my phone number when really i did.

What is the worst movie you’ve ever seen?: HAPPY FEET GODDAMMIT.

Who was the first person to ever give you flowers?: my dad :')

he's lost his will to think, to care
the world is fine from his "down there"
and Hell already is frozen, see?
what good does it do to rise?

he's lost his will to live, to be
the world is fine from his canopy
he's already paid for heaven's share
what good does it do to prolong demise?

the two, they meet in purgatory
without a way to tell his story
one goes up, the other down
they obey without a single sound

repent, repent, oh God forgive he
he loves his mom, oh God, he's sorry
he works and works: repent, repent
and soon he shall be Heaven sent

Yeah I figure I should blog about it.

The thing is, I can't decide how I feel about it. I've been looking at reviews that rate the book poorly to see if I'm offended or if I agree. The unfortunate thing is WG,WG's readers are mostly made up of John Green's loyal fans, would say they loved Twilight if John Green wrote it.

Most of the bitching comes from David's lack of capitalization or the fact that the two Wills weren't "changed" drastically after their meetings. Neither of these things bothered me. I didn't like David's lack of capitalization because his will didn't care about jack shit, which bothered me.

I sort of wish there was more collaboration in writing the chapters. Instead of just two writers writing their own stories, I would have liked to see more interconnected motifs or symbols or something. There was no glue holding the two Wills together until they met, and then their glue was Tiny. It felt sort of half-assed to me. It's not that they met and became best friends forever. It's not that they met and never spoke to each other again. They met, and then knew that the other existed, and that was pretty much it. It was so... lame. And every so often John and David would use the same word here or there, which just made it feel awkward. It felt like two separate pieces of fabric loosely tied together that didn't really go together and the attaching string was falling out.

The other thing: people say they hated Tiny. I can't say I cared. I didn't care about Will or will or Jane or Gideon or Maura -- I didn't care about any of them. No one was very compelling, or interesting, or different. I could describe them all in less than 10 words. Maybe I'm sick of John's constant use of the dubious narrator (Pudge, Colin, Quentin...); maybe I just don't care about the character whose main description was "big and gay."

I also hate hate hate both narrations use of the "Big Realization." The reader is supposed to be the realizer. If the narrator realizes what the reader is supposed to, it just makes it look like the writer doesn't respect his reader's intelligence to figure it out. Other things I hate: dream sequences. Writing about writing. Overuse of exclamation points. Not that any of that is relevant, but still.

To summarize: I didn't like it all that much. Not horrible, fun to read, but not the best thing ever. Not that anyone cares.

aaaaaaaaaaah gross I think I just got bird poop on the bottom of my laptop. I hate the environmental ed room.

booklist:
1. Huck Finn -- Mark Twain
2. A Farewell To Arms -- Ernest Hemmingway
3. The Great Gatsby -- F. Scott Fitzgerald
4. Scarlet Fever -- Maureen Johnson
5. The Raw Shark Texts -- Steven Hall
6. The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao -- Junot Díaz
7. Paper Towns -- John Green
8. High Fidelity -- Nick Hornby
9. The Time Traveler's Wife -- Audrey Niffeneger
10. About a Boy -- Nick Hornby

currently reading:
cold mountain (for class) -- charles frazier
rejoice -- mcsweeney's
new american voices 2009 (YES STILL OK)

soon:
will grayson will grayson

obsessed with:
the upkeep of effyeahnerdfighters
The Oatmeal
logging into arka's gmail LOL JK! I'd never invade his privacy like that.
Disney crap

movies to watch:
Monsters, Inc.
Mean Girls
High School "Don't Judge Me" Musical

PS:
does this remind anyone else of Cory? Love ya man.

1. Huck Finn -- Mark Twain
2. A Farewell To Arms -- Ernest Hemmingway
3. The Great Gatsby -- F. Scott Fitzgerald
4. Scarlet Fever -- Maureen Johnson
5. The Raw Shark Texts -- Steven Hall
6. The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao -- Junot Díaz
7. Paper Towns -- John Green
8. High Fidelity -- Nick Hornby
9. The Time Traveler's Wife -- Audrey Niffeneger

currently reading:
about a boy -- nick hornby
rejoice -- mcsweeney's
new american voices 2009 (I know: still.)

up next:
the frog king -- adam davies
will grayson, will grayson -- john green
giraffes? giraffes! -- dr. and mr. doris hagis-on-whey

----------

This time last year, I was busting my ass in Pulsinelli's class.

This time last year, I started to realize the true meaning of books and literature and reading and writing.

This time last year, I was doing BEDA, full-fledged.

Aww, this time last year Al Pal started following me on twitter and reading my blog and became my friend. Love ya, buddy.

Aww, this time last year omegle was a big thing! How precious.

April was a big month for me last year. I'm glad BEDA was around to document it. This year, not so much. I've been sleeping a lot, due to stress, etc.

So this blog isn't about you, Reader. It's about me. And seeing how I've grown and changed and all that. Which is true for everything I do: vlogs, writings, whatever. I mean, it's not a diary, because it's not always about my mushy gushy feelings or any of that. I'm not as open as I'd like to be on the internet, but I'm not as closed off, either.

I don't know. I need to do my homework more.

1. Huck Finn -- Mark Twain
2. A Farewell To Arms -- Ernest Hemmingway
3. The Great Gatsby -- F. Scott Fitzgerald
4. Scarlet Fever -- Maureen Johnson
5. The Raw Shark Texts -- Steven Hall
6. The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao -- Junot Díaz
7. Paper Towns -- John Green
8. High Fidelity -- Nick Hornby

currently reading:
the time traveler's wife -- audrey niffenegger
new american voices 2009 (I know: still.)

up next:
about a boy -- nick hornby
the frog king -- adam davies
will grayson, will grayson -- john green
giraffes? giraffes! -- dr. and mr. doris hagis-on-whey

Also:
I'm doing VEDA, sort of. I'm doing 30-second book reviews in them, so stay tuned.
http://youtube.com/ktentacles

it's like there's me

and I'm going through this gray-white tunnel like things with these little openings, and the tunnel surrounds me on all sides; it's more of a tube, really, that goes on infinitely in either direction. The "floor" I'm walking on bends and stretches and aches, like it's one of those tunnels at Chuck E. Cheese's, but it's all solid. And I don't have a direction, just forward (what I presume to be forward), and I occasionally stop at the little holes. Most of them don't move, but some of them are elastic and start to stretch. One of them I could fit my arm through. Another I could get most of my torso in. And finally, finally, after miles, presumably, of walking in this tube thing, I get frustrated and start to try every little opening. And then I find one that I can squeeze through. I get my arm through, and pull my torso through, and I get my butt up and sit up on this white ledge, and I'm in the same tube as before, except now there's a platform and the tube is a lot wider and the ceiling a lot higher.

So I stand up on the platform and I yell out, as loudly as I can, but nothing comes out.

1. Huck Finn -- Mark Twain
2. A Farewell To Arms -- Ernest Hemmingway
3. The Great Gatsby -- F. Scott Fitzgerald
4. Scarlet Fever -- Maureen Johnson
5. The Raw Shark Texts -- some guy?
6. The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao -- another guy

currently reading:
Paper Towns
Best New Voices: 2009

1. Huck Finn -- Mark Twain
2. A Farewell To Arms -- Ernest Hemmingway
3. The Great Gatsby -- F. Scott Fitzgerald
4. Scarlet Fever -- Maureen Johnson

currently reading:
The Raw Shark Texts
Best New Voices: 2009

ffffffffail. :)

"It's our motto."
"What's a motto?"
"Nothing, what's a motto with you?"
-- Timon and Simba, The Lion King

"If it's not baroque, don't fix it."
-- Cogsworth (to Belle), Beauty and the Beast


"YOU ARE A CHILD'S PLAY THING."

"This is no time to panic."
"This is a perfect time to panic."

"Buzz look an alien!"
"Where?!"

"You're... mocking me, aren't you?"
-- Woody and Buzz, Toy Story

"Hey Mr. Grumpy Gills. When life gets you down, you know what you gotta do? Just keep swimming, just keep swimming swimming swimming (etc)"

"There's a mollusk and a sea cucumber.... (etc)"

"Es-cop-ay. Funny, it's spelled just like the word 'escape'..."
-- Marlin and Dory, Finding Nemo

[I'll add to this post when I consciously make a Disney/Pixar reference. There are a lot more from Nemo...]

1 comments

A few things.

-- my booklist now totals THREE BOOKS! amazing. phenomenal. I am so lazy. Hopefully the rest of Spring Break will be beneficial to my booklist.

-- I've been listening to a lot of rap lately. There's nothing to explain this phenomenon, except I guess I like rap. So if I randomly start busting out a rhyme from Lil' John, don't be surprised.

-- Got to hang out with Arka IRL this weekend. And that's all I'm going to say about that.

-- I think I'm due for another Catcher re-reading. Made a few observations about the contrast between expectations and reality today. Listened to the Mountain Goats. I was a bit of an angst bucket today, which doesn't make sense since I was reading Scarlett Fever.

-- Speaking of webcomics, I talked to Drew via twitter AND email, AND Sanjay via twitter. I love my life.

-- I find it weird that I'm able to incorporate stuff I learn in American History in everyday (one word) conversation.

-- I've become rapidly obsessed with the effyeahnerdfighters tumblr. I help with it and stuff. And I love it.

Ok the end.

1. Huck Finn -- Mark Twain
2. A Farewell To Arms -- Ernest Hemmingway

currently reading:
The Great Gatsby
Best New Voices: 2009

to-read:
brief wondrous life of oscar wao
sharks
rejoice
god says no
harry a history
giraffes? giraffes!
re-read Tom Sawyer
carter finally gets it -- brent crawford
re-read paper towns
Hey Nostradamus! by Douglas Coupland
geektastic
will grayson will grayson
we wish to inform you that tomorrow we will be killed with our families
nickel and dimed
god is not great
Binky Brown Meets the Holy Virgin Mary
W.E.B. Du Bois
all the a.a. milne/Winnie the Pooh books
Song of Soloman
Mathilda Savitch

a) I am still busy and stressed.
b) I think I need glasses. Everything farther than ten feet is really blurry and I have to squint. Lulz.
c) Everyone at my school is fantastically horny or something!! There was this kid I saw six times today, every time with his girlfriend. I recognized him/sort of knew him because he was in my Spanish class last semester but I still don't know him. But he and this chick were holding hands and standing without breathing room and being generally gross. At WPA (which holy crap was two weeks ago! I could have sworn it was yesterday!) there was this couple virtually having clothed-sex against a wall... awk. And just general couple-grossness. Is this left over from romantic Valentine's Day emotions or something? Also, people are dating ALL OVER THE PLACE! Myself included. But my friend Megan got with a guy, and Al Pal with Kris, and Luke and Kristina, and Avy and Jamie or something... what is this????

That's it.

I feel like no one really knows what's going on in my life anymore. I'm too busy living to try and explain what all is going on. So here's what's going on:

NEWSPAPER: Every other Wednesday is "deadline night." Which means I stay at school until 7 or 8 to finish my stories. I've written a feature on Qi Chen, my internet friends column, a news story on the Supreme Court ruling Citizens United vs the Federal Elections Commission, and, most recently, a boring story about teachers in my school district getting paid blah blah blah no one cares. The boring story caused me to be at school until 7 last night. Whoo.

FREELANCER: The literary magazine of which I am the editor blah. Money is probably still and issue, but we're focusing on actually making sure there will be an issue. I've been staying after school most nights working on it. It's time consuming, but will be worth it. And thank god I'm not alone.

STUCO: Student Council. I'm running for exec again this year. I lost last year. I told a speech about a stegosaurus. I've been bribing freshmen with candy. Voting just happened so I'll know the results after school tomorrow. I'm tremendously nervous. I have to win. Send good vibes my way! Also, I had a shadow from Blue Springs' Student Council today. She was nice, but didn't laugh at my "jokes," which was awkward. But then this other guy from Blue Springs seemed to understand my humor and we got along pretty well during lunch, so that's good. Hopefully next week I'll get to go to their school and shadow someone.

HOMEWORK: AHAP is eating my soul with insane amounts of reading. I should be doing more of my calculus homework, but I'm not. My grades are doing ok, luckily. I'm in NHS, at least. The induction ceremony is next week.

Somehow, I manage to go to sleep at 10 or 11 every night. I think it's because I'm just so exhausted I collapse without making sure everything is done, or rushing to get everything done. So I'm on the internet a lot less, which stinks, but is ok.

Love you, blogosphere. You're cool guys.

Remember you live in a country that allows you to say you hate it.

Remember you live in a country where you can blog, where you have internet access, where you can access information.

Remember you live in a country where you can participate in the legal process.

Remember you live in a country that millions -- billions -- dream about. Remember you have opportunities some people can't even begin to imagine.

Remember you live in a country where people can stand up for themselves: African Americans, women, now gays.

Remember you live in an "experiment." It's a process, and it has been working, and we'll get there. To that idealized land of opportunity and freedom and justice for all; where the rights of the Constitution will be applied fairly and justly and rightly; where bigots don't exist and equality is all around.

Remember that for all its flaws, there is someone out there trying to reform your country.

Some people are oblivious.
I'm jealous.
I'm dutifully aware.
I observe and I listen.
I think and I conclude.
While you're dancing downstairs,
happy,
content,
innocent,
while the paranoid wipe their eyes
and say they're tired
and can't sleep.

The complete guide to making everything as awkward as possible! Anyone can do it! All you need:

-- a high school
-- a lunch table with other people
-- a phone
-- a disappointing glare
-- inborn awkwardness!

1) Find a table in your high school's cafeteria that's already occupied. It's better if you recognize some of the people, so they have some idea who you are (trust me, it makes it even more awkward).

2) Listen to the friends at the table exchange tales of fancy and Friday night fiascoes. Don't ever enter the conversation. Act aloof, text, put on headphones without music playing, but always be listening and retaining information.

3) After each story, make a disappointing glare at the story's teller.

4) If the teller is looking around the table and makes eye contact with everyone at the table, wait until (s)he sees you and break the connection.

5) Look immediately at your lap, pull up your phone, and send a text to anyone. Make sure you have a sly grin on your face; that way the teller will think you are talking about him/her.

-- Mom walks in my room to wake me up.
-- Groan and go to sleep an extra 5-10 minutes.
-- Wake up, get dressed, pee, brush teeth.
-- Pack my backpack, put on shoes, walk downstairs, go to class.
-- School, where I sit and I learn and I absorb and I try to get those meaningless points to get that pointless A. Figure I don't really have to try that hard to get a B, that an 89.4 looks the same as a 79.5 once report cards come out, zone out for whatever the teacher's talking about.
-- Focus what little energy I have into stuff I actually care about: newspaper, FreeLancer, reading the books for English, AHAP, occasionally calculus, the rare chemistry worksheet.
-- Stay after school usually until 3:30, sometimes later.
-- Go home, nap, talk to people on skype, eat something, internet.
-- Homework.
-- Talk to people on skype
-- More homework.
-- More talking.
-- Sleep at 12:34.

-- Well now, this is sure to be a helluva story, Mr. William. These two were just "chilling" in the school parking?
-- Yes sir. They followed me to school.
-- From where, might I ask?
-- From my house, sir.
-- Right. A smartass.
-- Sir, I can assure you, Dodger and Betsey are well-behaved and would never, I mean never, stampede into a car without some sort of provocation!
-- Oliver William, we all know how you feel about James O'Brian. How might have Mr. O'Brian provoked these animals?
-- I swear, sir, Dodger and Betsey: they're the sweetest hippos in the world. They've been a couple forever, way longer than your marria-
-- My private affairs have nothing to do with these hippos, Mr. William. What exactly do you intend to do about Mr. O'Brian's car?
-- Sir, as Jimmy clearly did something to upset the hippos, my uncle will pay for half the damages to the car. You know, my uncle, the zookeeper, who I live with since the death of my parents...
-- Don't play that pity card with me, Mr. William. Now, I expect you to return the key to the hippo's cage to your uncle, pay full damages to Mr. O'Brian's car, and issue an apology to the custodial crew who have to clean up the... mess your "friends" made.
-- Mr. Frederickson, sir - can I call you Buddy?
-- No.
-- Buddy. Please. The hippos came of their own free will. I didn't steal my uncle's key! Jimmy O'Brian has always been immature, ever since he pantsed me in front of the entire school after I beat him in the spelling bee. This childish behavior must have been what provoked the hippos to stampede into his car!
-------

unfinished. let me know what you think. I wrote it today in writer's workshop. :)

I had a good day.

Despite losing my favorite pens that I love more than anything in the world and misplacing my jacket leaving me cold in the wind, I hiccup-laughed from 1AM to 3:30. "Hiccup-laughing" is what happens to me when something is so drastically funny I have to inhale rapidly to stop from passing out, and the inhales are still laughing and it's squeaky and it sounds like a hiccup.

I mean, last night was so exciting because of arkapaino. Whoever you are, arkapaino, you make me laugh SO MUCH. Plus there was some other excitement* in my life so yeah.

English was fun because I kept singing Cascada (I still hear your voice when you sleep next to me...) and it was great. AHAP was GREAT because Cam and Alex and the stapler and the 3 Stooges and it was wonderful; hiccup-laughing for ten minutes straight. Calc is always funny, chem is always funny, paper wasn't too funny but I couldn't stop smiling, Spanish wasn't funny but that's ok because writer's workshop was HILARIOUS!!!! Let's just say my teacher said "He's eating your sausage!" and... well... we're teenagers what do you expect!!!!

I mean. I'm happy. It's weird. I am really upset about the pen thing but I just don't want to focus on that and I'm worried about the impending ~doom~ of AHAP and a chemistry test that I'm sure to fail and a calc test coming up... but I think I'll be OK.

*lol you think this is going to tell you anything! HA I laugh at your idiocy but this asterisk may very well be the reason I'm so giddy WHO KNOWS~

life life life life
this is life
this is my life
this is life and what life is and how life is and this is life

me: oh um it's like... like you do something SO AWESOME and cool that people remember it for a long time. like if I won the lottery, I would be a legend.
clara: what's a good sentence for that word?
me: uhm uhh uhhhhhh
clara: *starts to walk away*
me: wait wait! you watch How I Met Your Mother, right?
clara: yeah
me: you know how barney says "legen wait for it dary?" and whatever happens next is going to be cool and memorable?
clara: oh I get it now!!
me: relating a second grader's spelling list to television. Welcome to 2010.

Well, it's already been a helluva year.

If this week (mind, it's only Tuesday) is any indication of the rest of the semester and the rest of 2010, I'll be terrifically relieved when 2011 rears her head.

I'm not going to whine about the mundane goings-on of my stress-inducing life, but I will say all I want to do is read and sleep and watch Friends, which is filled with a void of homework and demanding extracurriculars.

The booklist so far totals 0.

I'll figure it out, I'm sure, and in a few weeks it'll be routine. It's just hard getting into stuff, you know? Junior year is indisputably the hardest academic year of high school, and I am busting my ass keeping up. I really, really want to do well this semester. I know I deserve it, and it's all a matter of keeping myself motivated and not getting distracted. I need to recognize when I'm busy and hope that people understand when I can't talk or I can't hang out, etc. Usually I'm breezy, but it's time I focus.

Once I figure out the academic shabang, then I can maybe look into getting a job, getting my license; all those things.

Oh look it's 11:11!! bedtime.

Cleaning my room, I come across some fairly bizarre things I forgot I had.

Mostly pens, a shirt that was all but forgotten, random papers...

But I just came across a cellophane bag with something wrapped in pink tissue paper. I opened it up and inside was... a paper plate.

Wow.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NNk-k9eVUFU&#t=2m47s

By itself, What is the What did not change my life. I was a new Nerdfighter circa May 2008, had finished watching all the vlogbrothers videos, and decided that John's book suggestions couldn't be horrible. That summer, I went to the library, picked up What is the What, read it, and that was that. I enjoyed it, sure. And I felt a deeper connection to John due to this shared experience of reading a book. I'm weird like that.

Dave Eggers himself didn't stick with me, but the book was always sort of in the back of my mind. For those who don't know, What is the What is the fictionalized "auto"biography of Valention Achak Deng, who was a Sudanese Lost Boy. Deng told Eggers his life story, and Eggers then stylistically made it a novel, making comparisons between Deng's life in Sudan during the wars and Deng's life in America, where his skills are limited and his life is subpar.

The preface of the novel reads: "Over the course of many years, Dave and I have collaborated to tell my story... I told [him] what I knew and what I could remember, and from that material he created this work of art," written by Deng.

It's a very powerful story, and Eggers shows Valentino's voice so distinctly and beautifully it makes me ashamed to aspire being a writer.

And then came sophomore year; and then came Pulsinelli.

For one of our very first assignments, we were to write an "Open Letter to a Person or Entity Who Is Unlikely to Respond." You'll note the link is McSweeney's. I didn't put Dave Eggers, the author of the book I read over the summer, and this bizarre and beautiful website together.

Another early assignment was our very first Outside Reading project. Pulsinelli gave us a list of books to choose from: all nonfiction; some memoirs. The books included Bill Bryson, Nickel and Dimed, one book about being a teacher, and A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius. It should not escape anyone that aHWoSG is by Dave Eggers and currently tops the charts of my favorite books.

Now, I must admit I was feeling quite pleased with myself as P-Nelli presented the books available for outside reading. I contemplated picking a Bill Bryson -- I had read The Lost Continent and loved it -- but something about aHWoSG was so appealing. It couldn't be coincidence that John Green had brought one book by this man in my life and now my English teacher (who I fell in love with right away) showed him to me again. This was a sign. This was fate. I was destined to read that book.

And once I did... well, you'll understand if you read it. There's no possible way of reading it and, being a holier-than-thou English asshat, not fall in love with Dave Eggers. He's not self-pitying like some like to claim. He's not full of himself. Sure, he might be a bit pretentious, but aren't we all?

He's a visionary, a genius. MIGHT magazine. 826 National. McSweeney's. The Valentino Achak Deng Foundation. The Best American Nonrequired Reading anthologies. Wholpin. The Believer. Voice of Witness.

He inspired me to do great things. He showed me a world I never thought could exist. My life dreams revolve around everything he's done, everything he's created.

And that's why you all, lovely blog readers, should get yourselves some Dave Eggers.

A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius (nonfiction/memoir), the story of Dave Eggers himself. After both his parents suffer cancer-related deaths, Topher, the youngest Egger sibling, is placed in the care of Dave. Dave has some growing up to do himself, but he does it with little Toph.
What is the What (fiction), already explained.
You Shall Know Our Velocity! (fiction), the story of a man who finds himself a fortune. Feeling unworthy of his cash, he goes around the world with his friend Hand to try and give it to people who need it.
How We Are Hungry (fiction/short stories), with varying lengths and genres. All beautifully written.
Zeitoun (nonfiction), the true story of a Syrian-American and family who suffer in Hurricane Katrina. The book goes into both the tragedy of Katrina as well as Zeitoun's life and family in Louisiana as well as Syria. Extremely interesting, heartbreaking, and eye-opening.
The Wild Things (fiction, based off the children's book and movie), which in some points follows the movie but in others diverges severely. The book enhances the movie and the move enhances the book. Beautiful story telling. See if you can get your hands on a fuzzy copy like me. :)

C'mon guys. Read one. For me?