karatetentacles

-- Well now, this is sure to be a helluva story, Mr. William. These two were just "chilling" in the school parking?
-- Yes sir. They followed me to school.
-- From where, might I ask?
-- From my house, sir.
-- Right. A smartass.
-- Sir, I can assure you, Dodger and Betsey are well-behaved and would never, I mean never, stampede into a car without some sort of provocation!
-- Oliver William, we all know how you feel about James O'Brian. How might have Mr. O'Brian provoked these animals?
-- I swear, sir, Dodger and Betsey: they're the sweetest hippos in the world. They've been a couple forever, way longer than your marria-
-- My private affairs have nothing to do with these hippos, Mr. William. What exactly do you intend to do about Mr. O'Brian's car?
-- Sir, as Jimmy clearly did something to upset the hippos, my uncle will pay for half the damages to the car. You know, my uncle, the zookeeper, who I live with since the death of my parents...
-- Don't play that pity card with me, Mr. William. Now, I expect you to return the key to the hippo's cage to your uncle, pay full damages to Mr. O'Brian's car, and issue an apology to the custodial crew who have to clean up the... mess your "friends" made.
-- Mr. Frederickson, sir - can I call you Buddy?
-- No.
-- Buddy. Please. The hippos came of their own free will. I didn't steal my uncle's key! Jimmy O'Brian has always been immature, ever since he pantsed me in front of the entire school after I beat him in the spelling bee. This childish behavior must have been what provoked the hippos to stampede into his car!
-------

unfinished. let me know what you think. I wrote it today in writer's workshop. :)

I had a good day.

Despite losing my favorite pens that I love more than anything in the world and misplacing my jacket leaving me cold in the wind, I hiccup-laughed from 1AM to 3:30. "Hiccup-laughing" is what happens to me when something is so drastically funny I have to inhale rapidly to stop from passing out, and the inhales are still laughing and it's squeaky and it sounds like a hiccup.

I mean, last night was so exciting because of arkapaino. Whoever you are, arkapaino, you make me laugh SO MUCH. Plus there was some other excitement* in my life so yeah.

English was fun because I kept singing Cascada (I still hear your voice when you sleep next to me...) and it was great. AHAP was GREAT because Cam and Alex and the stapler and the 3 Stooges and it was wonderful; hiccup-laughing for ten minutes straight. Calc is always funny, chem is always funny, paper wasn't too funny but I couldn't stop smiling, Spanish wasn't funny but that's ok because writer's workshop was HILARIOUS!!!! Let's just say my teacher said "He's eating your sausage!" and... well... we're teenagers what do you expect!!!!

I mean. I'm happy. It's weird. I am really upset about the pen thing but I just don't want to focus on that and I'm worried about the impending ~doom~ of AHAP and a chemistry test that I'm sure to fail and a calc test coming up... but I think I'll be OK.

*lol you think this is going to tell you anything! HA I laugh at your idiocy but this asterisk may very well be the reason I'm so giddy WHO KNOWS~

life life life life
this is life
this is my life
this is life and what life is and how life is and this is life

me: oh um it's like... like you do something SO AWESOME and cool that people remember it for a long time. like if I won the lottery, I would be a legend.
clara: what's a good sentence for that word?
me: uhm uhh uhhhhhh
clara: *starts to walk away*
me: wait wait! you watch How I Met Your Mother, right?
clara: yeah
me: you know how barney says "legen wait for it dary?" and whatever happens next is going to be cool and memorable?
clara: oh I get it now!!
me: relating a second grader's spelling list to television. Welcome to 2010.

Well, it's already been a helluva year.

If this week (mind, it's only Tuesday) is any indication of the rest of the semester and the rest of 2010, I'll be terrifically relieved when 2011 rears her head.

I'm not going to whine about the mundane goings-on of my stress-inducing life, but I will say all I want to do is read and sleep and watch Friends, which is filled with a void of homework and demanding extracurriculars.

The booklist so far totals 0.

I'll figure it out, I'm sure, and in a few weeks it'll be routine. It's just hard getting into stuff, you know? Junior year is indisputably the hardest academic year of high school, and I am busting my ass keeping up. I really, really want to do well this semester. I know I deserve it, and it's all a matter of keeping myself motivated and not getting distracted. I need to recognize when I'm busy and hope that people understand when I can't talk or I can't hang out, etc. Usually I'm breezy, but it's time I focus.

Once I figure out the academic shabang, then I can maybe look into getting a job, getting my license; all those things.

Oh look it's 11:11!! bedtime.

Cleaning my room, I come across some fairly bizarre things I forgot I had.

Mostly pens, a shirt that was all but forgotten, random papers...

But I just came across a cellophane bag with something wrapped in pink tissue paper. I opened it up and inside was... a paper plate.

Wow.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NNk-k9eVUFU&#t=2m47s

By itself, What is the What did not change my life. I was a new Nerdfighter circa May 2008, had finished watching all the vlogbrothers videos, and decided that John's book suggestions couldn't be horrible. That summer, I went to the library, picked up What is the What, read it, and that was that. I enjoyed it, sure. And I felt a deeper connection to John due to this shared experience of reading a book. I'm weird like that.

Dave Eggers himself didn't stick with me, but the book was always sort of in the back of my mind. For those who don't know, What is the What is the fictionalized "auto"biography of Valention Achak Deng, who was a Sudanese Lost Boy. Deng told Eggers his life story, and Eggers then stylistically made it a novel, making comparisons between Deng's life in Sudan during the wars and Deng's life in America, where his skills are limited and his life is subpar.

The preface of the novel reads: "Over the course of many years, Dave and I have collaborated to tell my story... I told [him] what I knew and what I could remember, and from that material he created this work of art," written by Deng.

It's a very powerful story, and Eggers shows Valentino's voice so distinctly and beautifully it makes me ashamed to aspire being a writer.

And then came sophomore year; and then came Pulsinelli.

For one of our very first assignments, we were to write an "Open Letter to a Person or Entity Who Is Unlikely to Respond." You'll note the link is McSweeney's. I didn't put Dave Eggers, the author of the book I read over the summer, and this bizarre and beautiful website together.

Another early assignment was our very first Outside Reading project. Pulsinelli gave us a list of books to choose from: all nonfiction; some memoirs. The books included Bill Bryson, Nickel and Dimed, one book about being a teacher, and A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius. It should not escape anyone that aHWoSG is by Dave Eggers and currently tops the charts of my favorite books.

Now, I must admit I was feeling quite pleased with myself as P-Nelli presented the books available for outside reading. I contemplated picking a Bill Bryson -- I had read The Lost Continent and loved it -- but something about aHWoSG was so appealing. It couldn't be coincidence that John Green had brought one book by this man in my life and now my English teacher (who I fell in love with right away) showed him to me again. This was a sign. This was fate. I was destined to read that book.

And once I did... well, you'll understand if you read it. There's no possible way of reading it and, being a holier-than-thou English asshat, not fall in love with Dave Eggers. He's not self-pitying like some like to claim. He's not full of himself. Sure, he might be a bit pretentious, but aren't we all?

He's a visionary, a genius. MIGHT magazine. 826 National. McSweeney's. The Valentino Achak Deng Foundation. The Best American Nonrequired Reading anthologies. Wholpin. The Believer. Voice of Witness.

He inspired me to do great things. He showed me a world I never thought could exist. My life dreams revolve around everything he's done, everything he's created.

And that's why you all, lovely blog readers, should get yourselves some Dave Eggers.

A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius (nonfiction/memoir), the story of Dave Eggers himself. After both his parents suffer cancer-related deaths, Topher, the youngest Egger sibling, is placed in the care of Dave. Dave has some growing up to do himself, but he does it with little Toph.
What is the What (fiction), already explained.
You Shall Know Our Velocity! (fiction), the story of a man who finds himself a fortune. Feeling unworthy of his cash, he goes around the world with his friend Hand to try and give it to people who need it.
How We Are Hungry (fiction/short stories), with varying lengths and genres. All beautifully written.
Zeitoun (nonfiction), the true story of a Syrian-American and family who suffer in Hurricane Katrina. The book goes into both the tragedy of Katrina as well as Zeitoun's life and family in Louisiana as well as Syria. Extremely interesting, heartbreaking, and eye-opening.
The Wild Things (fiction, based off the children's book and movie), which in some points follows the movie but in others diverges severely. The book enhances the movie and the move enhances the book. Beautiful story telling. See if you can get your hands on a fuzzy copy like me. :)

C'mon guys. Read one. For me?