Dodger and Betsey
-- Well now, this is sure to be a helluva story, Mr. William. These two were just "chilling" in the school parking?
-- Yes sir. They followed me to school.
-- From where, might I ask?
-- From my house, sir.
-- Right. A smartass.
-- Sir, I can assure you, Dodger and Betsey are well-behaved and would never, I mean never, stampede into a car without some sort of provocation!
-- Oliver William, we all know how you feel about James O'Brian. How might have Mr. O'Brian provoked these animals?
-- I swear, sir, Dodger and Betsey: they're the sweetest hippos in the world. They've been a couple forever, way longer than your marria-
-- My private affairs have nothing to do with these hippos, Mr. William. What exactly do you intend to do about Mr. O'Brian's car?
-- Sir, as Jimmy clearly did something to upset the hippos, my uncle will pay for half the damages to the car. You know, my uncle, the zookeeper, who I live with since the death of my parents...
-- Don't play that pity card with me, Mr. William. Now, I expect you to return the key to the hippo's cage to your uncle, pay full damages to Mr. O'Brian's car, and issue an apology to the custodial crew who have to clean up the... mess your "friends" made.
-- Mr. Frederickson, sir - can I call you Buddy?
-- No.
-- Buddy. Please. The hippos came of their own free will. I didn't steal my uncle's key! Jimmy O'Brian has always been immature, ever since he pantsed me in front of the entire school after I beat him in the spelling bee. This childish behavior must have been what provoked the hippos to stampede into his car!
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unfinished. let me know what you think. I wrote it today in writer's workshop. :)
-- Yes sir. They followed me to school.
-- From where, might I ask?
-- From my house, sir.
-- Right. A smartass.
-- Sir, I can assure you, Dodger and Betsey are well-behaved and would never, I mean never, stampede into a car without some sort of provocation!
-- Oliver William, we all know how you feel about James O'Brian. How might have Mr. O'Brian provoked these animals?
-- I swear, sir, Dodger and Betsey: they're the sweetest hippos in the world. They've been a couple forever, way longer than your marria-
-- My private affairs have nothing to do with these hippos, Mr. William. What exactly do you intend to do about Mr. O'Brian's car?
-- Sir, as Jimmy clearly did something to upset the hippos, my uncle will pay for half the damages to the car. You know, my uncle, the zookeeper, who I live with since the death of my parents...
-- Don't play that pity card with me, Mr. William. Now, I expect you to return the key to the hippo's cage to your uncle, pay full damages to Mr. O'Brian's car, and issue an apology to the custodial crew who have to clean up the... mess your "friends" made.
-- Mr. Frederickson, sir - can I call you Buddy?
-- No.
-- Buddy. Please. The hippos came of their own free will. I didn't steal my uncle's key! Jimmy O'Brian has always been immature, ever since he pantsed me in front of the entire school after I beat him in the spelling bee. This childish behavior must have been what provoked the hippos to stampede into his car!
-------
unfinished. let me know what you think. I wrote it today in writer's workshop. :)
Hmm... interesting. I like it. I think.
Well, sir, what made you choose the name O'Brian?
Anyways, I like how you ease into telling the reader what happened without out right saying, "Oliver, why did you send the hippos to attack Jimmy's car?" Kudos.
To be honest though, Oliver annoys me. He's very condescending...and I mean I can see that was your intention, but it still just kind of bugs me. It contradicts that I feel sorry for him that he was humiliated because I probably would've pantsed him too.
I think I read this.
I don't remember.
I did one of these in Writer's Workshop too. Like yours.