karatetentacles

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NNk-k9eVUFU&#t=2m47s

By itself, What is the What did not change my life. I was a new Nerdfighter circa May 2008, had finished watching all the vlogbrothers videos, and decided that John's book suggestions couldn't be horrible. That summer, I went to the library, picked up What is the What, read it, and that was that. I enjoyed it, sure. And I felt a deeper connection to John due to this shared experience of reading a book. I'm weird like that.

Dave Eggers himself didn't stick with me, but the book was always sort of in the back of my mind. For those who don't know, What is the What is the fictionalized "auto"biography of Valention Achak Deng, who was a Sudanese Lost Boy. Deng told Eggers his life story, and Eggers then stylistically made it a novel, making comparisons between Deng's life in Sudan during the wars and Deng's life in America, where his skills are limited and his life is subpar.

The preface of the novel reads: "Over the course of many years, Dave and I have collaborated to tell my story... I told [him] what I knew and what I could remember, and from that material he created this work of art," written by Deng.

It's a very powerful story, and Eggers shows Valentino's voice so distinctly and beautifully it makes me ashamed to aspire being a writer.

And then came sophomore year; and then came Pulsinelli.

For one of our very first assignments, we were to write an "Open Letter to a Person or Entity Who Is Unlikely to Respond." You'll note the link is McSweeney's. I didn't put Dave Eggers, the author of the book I read over the summer, and this bizarre and beautiful website together.

Another early assignment was our very first Outside Reading project. Pulsinelli gave us a list of books to choose from: all nonfiction; some memoirs. The books included Bill Bryson, Nickel and Dimed, one book about being a teacher, and A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius. It should not escape anyone that aHWoSG is by Dave Eggers and currently tops the charts of my favorite books.

Now, I must admit I was feeling quite pleased with myself as P-Nelli presented the books available for outside reading. I contemplated picking a Bill Bryson -- I had read The Lost Continent and loved it -- but something about aHWoSG was so appealing. It couldn't be coincidence that John Green had brought one book by this man in my life and now my English teacher (who I fell in love with right away) showed him to me again. This was a sign. This was fate. I was destined to read that book.

And once I did... well, you'll understand if you read it. There's no possible way of reading it and, being a holier-than-thou English asshat, not fall in love with Dave Eggers. He's not self-pitying like some like to claim. He's not full of himself. Sure, he might be a bit pretentious, but aren't we all?

He's a visionary, a genius. MIGHT magazine. 826 National. McSweeney's. The Valentino Achak Deng Foundation. The Best American Nonrequired Reading anthologies. Wholpin. The Believer. Voice of Witness.

He inspired me to do great things. He showed me a world I never thought could exist. My life dreams revolve around everything he's done, everything he's created.

And that's why you all, lovely blog readers, should get yourselves some Dave Eggers.

A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius (nonfiction/memoir), the story of Dave Eggers himself. After both his parents suffer cancer-related deaths, Topher, the youngest Egger sibling, is placed in the care of Dave. Dave has some growing up to do himself, but he does it with little Toph.
What is the What (fiction), already explained.
You Shall Know Our Velocity! (fiction), the story of a man who finds himself a fortune. Feeling unworthy of his cash, he goes around the world with his friend Hand to try and give it to people who need it.
How We Are Hungry (fiction/short stories), with varying lengths and genres. All beautifully written.
Zeitoun (nonfiction), the true story of a Syrian-American and family who suffer in Hurricane Katrina. The book goes into both the tragedy of Katrina as well as Zeitoun's life and family in Louisiana as well as Syria. Extremely interesting, heartbreaking, and eye-opening.
The Wild Things (fiction, based off the children's book and movie), which in some points follows the movie but in others diverges severely. The book enhances the movie and the move enhances the book. Beautiful story telling. See if you can get your hands on a fuzzy copy like me. :)

C'mon guys. Read one. For me?

because everyone is wrong and I'm right.

alright not really but c'mon. this is what I'm good at. this is what I /do./

I mean usually I can go off on my tangent and bitchslap everyone with words, but no, when you get the opinionated ones in the conversation, it's like "shut up, you're not Enlightened like I am." Yes, I'm full of myself, but I think this is one area where I can claim at least semi-expertise, you know?

I /get/ it. Things /click/ for me. It's like solving a math problem; it's like figuring out derivatives. And yes, they're the same. Figuring out the logic of a math problem is akin to figuring out the themes and symbolism of a piece of writing. There is, to a degree, a right answer.

If you look at Catcher in the Rye and try and use it as an excuse for killing John Lennon... NO. YOU'RE WRONG. You read it incorrectly. Try again. Minus $2000. No double Jeopardy for you.

It's a /hard/ math problem, I'll give you that, but if you're smart, you can figure it out.

Now, how you apply this symbolism and theme to your personal life -- that's a different story. That's something that doesn't belong in a classroom, not something that can be taught, but something you can do on your own. How a book makes you /feel/, makes you act, develops your take on life or whatever... that's the personal part of English, the part that math lacks. But to truly get that satisfaction of affecting your life, you have to get the first part down. You have to know what the author wanted you to take from it. You need to analyze the symbolism and imagery and metaphors and similes. You /have/ to, otherwise you won't really get it.

Maybe I can take this back to the math metaphor...

You have to know the unpractical part of math to get to the "real world" application. And usually, for the "real world" application, you don't need to get so... involved in the process.

Take All Quiet on the Western Front. It's really, painfully obviously an anti-war novel. It says it on the frickin' cover. But you take it, you analyze it, you learn the author's tone, you look at the symbolism, and you see the theme in all its glory. To get to the application, all you really needed to know was it was an anti-war novel, and determine whether or not you are going to take it to heart. Do you agree or disagree with the author? You only need the basic level, but to back yourself up, to really /learn/ from the novel, you need to get into the symbolism and metaphors and motifs. You need to look for allegories and know that diction is just as important as anything else.

Take /any/ book. Harry Potter. Hell, take Where the Wild Things Are. Take The Da Vinci Code or TWILIGHT, even. There are bits to be analyzed. There is something to /learn/. There's a theme to be gotten. There's an idea developed. There's a /reason/ the book was written, and I PROMISE it's /not/ just because the author was bored. Those books don't get published, those books have no substance.

Whether or not you agree or disagree with the idea is your opinion; what you take from the book is entirely personal. Personally, I disagree with the morals of Twilight. I think it's a shitty book. I don't think there's a lot of depth to it, and I don't think Smeyer was very subtle, but whatever. She is an author, she wrote a book, and I have an immense amount of respect for her. I do.

Now, she could probably stand to work on her narrative technique, which can and often does enhance the theme of the book.

Alright this is really long and rambly but whatever. This is what happens to me.

Sigh.

I love books.
I love the feel of them,
I love turning back the pages, watching my progress as I go and go and go...

I love immersing myself in them, completely and honestly, becoming the character's guarding them, seeing how they act, wondering what they'll screw up next...

I love finding the nuggets of genius, laughing at something no one else around me "gets," love the similes and the metaphors and looking for themes.

I hate talking about specific books.
I think that's a thing for classes.
I think that's something for trained professionals.

I mean, I can understand them well enough, and I feel confident with my own evaluations of the books, but people often... ask me about books.

I mean... what is there to say?
"I just finished my book."
"Was it good?"
"Yeah, I liked it well enough..."
"What's it about?"

... I don't like that question. I hardly like the "Was it good?" question. I mean... the "good"ness of a book is... irrelevant. How well I liked it is irrelevant. The book itself is a triumph of human energy and potential and amazingness - to have something published, to see your name on the spine... I don't want anything to be boiled down to "Was it good? Did you like it?" Because that's not what reading is about!

Not to me, anyway.

Books are not tools of enjoyment. They are tools to broaden one's mind, to expose you to thinks you would otherwise be unexposed to. They are the epitome of the human experience -- of human joy and human suffering and human growth and revival and romance and bromance and of life. Books are living things on their own.

Now, yes, some books are better than others. There's the mindfluff, the chick lit; there's Twilight, but even it has merit, even it has a theme. A theme I don't agree with, but it's there.

I just want to go to school, talk about books with intellects (not just like-minded people, of course), discuss the subtleties. I just want to read the raw copy of a book, improve it, make it great, make it something libraries and bookstores can't keep on the shelves, teachers rave over; something that gets taught, or at least discussed, something that people can understand and something that will expand minds and change hearts.

Alright. There's my blog. I'm gonna go read now.

Figure I might as well blog.

I realize I haven't written about my NEW JOB, and that it's only come up in passing. I'm currently employed at Cinemark, a movie theater. Just left an extremely angsty comment on [someone]'s blog about an experience from my first day. The hour I am currently killing ( *stab stab stab!* ) is in preparation for working later today. I got a call earlier today asking me to work at 2, and I was like "Uhh yeah right."

False, I was more like "Oh gosh, I'm sorry, but I can't! Sorry!" Because I apologize a lot to seem more polite? I don't know, I'm like a different person at work. And a different person on the internet. And a different person in my house, or at school, or while reading... Holden would call me a phony. I'm not a phony, I just... don't know who I am.

Hey, angst, leave me alone for once.

You're reading Catcher in the Rye; I really can't help myself.

Well, I finished Catcher, so leave me the hell alone already.

Doesn't mean you're going to stop thinking about it!

Dammit, angst is right. I'm not going to stop thinking about it. Or Cuckoo, or A Separate Peace. Stupid literature, influencing my decisions and stuff. I'm thinking about running away... you know, packing my laptop and some clean underwear and just going to New York. I really want to.

But I'm not going to.

Look for me in the insane asylum, because I'm either gonna pull a Finny or end up like Holden. I don't think I'm strong enough to be Chief.

(Separate Peace, Catcher, and Cuckoo. Suggested reading.)

You know how I said I was tired of always blogging about P-Nelli?

Whatever, more anecdotes.

Finished Cuckoo's Nest, it was AMAZING. Loved it. So much. Awesome. I wanna see the movie. :)

Started Catcher in the Rye. zomg I love this book. My copy is signed by John Green, Printz-and-Edgar Allan Poe-Award-Winning-and-New-York-Time's-bestselling author. :D

P-Nelli also loves this book. He sympathizes (or more appropriately empathizes) so much with Holden; it's cute. He said, "There are few things in life I know, and this book is one of them." I'm so excited for this book.

He talked about JD Salinger and how he became a recluse after his book got really popular. He lives on the outskirts in a hut in a small town/village thing in Pennsylvania or something, and the people in the "city" part protect him from "rabid fans." There are zero movies made and it's illegal to make an audio recording of the novel. He said he didn't want to spoil anyone's view of Holden in the book. Also he's done zero interviews with any newspapers like the New York Times and stuff like that. He used to, however, do interviews with school newspapers. He loves kids, not in a creepy way, but in a damn-they-aren't-fucked-up-like-adults-are way, so he'd do little interviews like that and that was about it. But once, these two kids from a local high school came to do an interview, then went and sold it to the New York Times. What a HORRIBLE thing to do to a guy; completely shatter all his faith in humanity. I mean, it's not like he has social issues enough. Obviously, now he doesn't do any interviews of any kind. It's really sad.

Also, P-Nelli told us a story that is probably only funny for me and I really don't feel like retelling it. But guys reading this blog: READ CATCHER IN THE RYE. Copies are not hard to find at all. John Green loves it. Just saying, read the book. Please?

(Seriously, if my "love" for my English teacher is beginning to freak anyone out... I'm sorry.

Also, READ CATCHER IN THE RYE.

Also, since I already read it, this won't be on my 50-books-in-a-year-booklist. However, soon 13 Little Blue Envelopes will be done, and I'll be caught up with Sierra again! BWAHAHAHA. <3)

I'm sorry my blog posts have been shit lately. I know all I ever talk about is

a) English homework
b) school (in general)
c) general YouTube fangirling.

And that's not fair to you, [insert READER NAME here]! You deserve my top-quality blogs! I mean, sure, this is a bit of a cat blog, but I at least want to ENTERTAIN!

I have a pretty limited understanding of the things in the world, therefore a limited things to blog about. I like English and I go on the internet a lot. I go to school. I like reading and talking about books and literature. I mean really. That's my life. I don't date, I don't socialize (much, though it seems I'm going to prom...), I just do what I like and say "fuck the rest."

And as much as I love Little Miss Sunshine... is that really a fair way to take on life? I'm not exposing myself to anything new by doing the same old thing, sticking with the same old clique of people (online: Nerdfighters), everything I do and like and listen to (music-wise) is somehow related to the rest.

Should I go out and get drunk? Do I need to "find myself" by doing drugs? Hell no, not where I was going... but what can I do? I keep telling myself I'll "wait until college," where I can really "come out."

But am I to blame if I earnestly have "found myself?" I know who I am - am I supposed to ignore that? But even P-Nelli struggled with English in high school; he was a math nerd, a science geek, not an English buff. English was a challenge to him -- that's why he majored in it in college. What am I supposed to do?

Identity crisis much.

Stupid being-a-confused-and-socially-awkward-teenager-with-a-soapbox.

Last night, after enjoying a wonderful skype chat with the lovely Alan and Rachel, I spent 3 hours doing English homework and did not go to bed until 2am.
Tiredness: +70

The only two reasons I could stay awake were my cool new turquoise pants and the ALL CAPS CD.
Tiredness: -10

Mother annoyed me in the car.
Tiredness: +15

I took a 10 minute nap.
Tiredness: -5

I filled out boring paperwork.
Tiredness: +20

I got excited about my job uniform.
Tiredness: -5

I just got back from a baseball game.
Tiredness: +15

So that puts the current Tiredness level at...
*calculations*
100.

That's when you sleep and reset the clock to 0. Sounds like a good idea to me.

Hey kiddos. This has been a helluva ride, no? BEDA = awesome. Thanks, Maureen!

I have my first ever real-big-kid-stuff job interview tonight.

I feel pretty sick, so I'm gonna take a shower and have a little siesta to be prepared for my job-zilla interview.

Something of interest: Today in English (we're reading One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest for those who aren't in the know), P-Nelli was talking about David Thoreau. The guy is a transcendentalist, which basically means he, and other transcendentalists, wanted to be "different." His most famous work is Walden, published in 1854.

History of Walden:
Thoreau decided one day that he was sick of material goods and the material world. So he went out into the woods, built himself a cabin, and lived there for a year, making a journal about how life was different then than it was in the "real world."

I haven't read it, but there's an allusion to it Cuckoo, so we just discussed it for a while. About how people are "individuals," and how we work in this "system" of life, which Kesey (author of Cuckoo) calls the Combine. P-Nelli asked us why we sat in school all day, if we were such "individuals," and why we fell into our roles in the Combine. We talked about how people, including ourselves, were afraid of academic/disciplinary consequences, how we were scared of what our parents would say if we just walked out of class one day and stopped going to school. And then a funny thing happened.

Pulsinelli walks over to the door, opens it, and says "If you walk out right now, I will not write you up. I swear."

No one moved. There was just a silence over the room. I didn't get up, oh gosh no. But why? Would you, reader, have gotten up?

God, everyone should read this book. It's incredible. Will probably finish it tonight or tomorrow night. Let me know if you read it in class. Please?

BEDA 30: PWNED.
BEDA: PWNED.

okay I love you bye bye!

Eff eff eff I can't find my Cuckoo's Nest journal. My pristine, awesomesauce, hours-spent Cuckoo's Nest journal. D: D: D:

I stupidly let a "friend" borrow it since she was all "I don't really get what to put," and I was like "Fuck, I really don't want you to copy this, but I'll look like a jerk if I don't give it to you, but you make me feel bad about myself a lot, so whatever. Here." Ugh such a big mistake. She gave it to me earlier today, but now I can't find it!! I'm not blaming her, I'm just mad at myself. This is why peer pressure is so stupid... and why my life is so sad.

I just finished reading the book (it's really good) but now I can't do the stupid assignment (that I actually kind of enjoy doing). Ughhhh.

Also, I'm wearing my headphones. On either head phone (...?) there is either an R or an L, signifying... you know, right or left. I think it's more comfortable to wear the L on my right ear and the R on my left. REBEL I KNOW RIGHT.

Today it rained. Everyone is either like "OMG I LOVE RAIN" or "OMG I HATE IT," but I really don't care either way. I hate being wet, though. I hate getting out of showers, so usually (this is gross) I tend to not take a shower for as long as possible (although I usually only last two days, maybe three tops, but still). I just hate being wet, because it gets everything else wet, and then things have to dry...

Reminding me of Writer's Workshop, in which Ms. Beachy read us sentences sent in as "Worst First-Sentences for Novels" for some contest... thing. One of my favorites:

Her name was Mauve, like the color of paint, which was apt: not only was she "pretty as a painting," she was also "smart as paint," and certainly as thin (assuming sufficient solvents had been added); she was, however, Arnold discovered when she stepped from the shower, a lot more fun to watch dry.

Steven W Alloway
Granada Hills, CA
for more...

The year is finally winding down. I'll have a decent grade card for the first time in a long while. (By "decent," I mean no C's.) Also, BEDA is ending. This is my, and every other participant's, penultimate post. It's sad. But it's a good pre-NaNo exercise. I need the sort of writing-every-day activity, just to get pumped for it. So expect a possible second BEDA... only this time it's Blog Every Day AUGUST! 0:

BEDA 29: pwned. <3 you all.

I love the fact that I learn all this interesting information via P-Nelli. Today we talked about the invention of LSD.

See, it was designed by the CIA as a means of forcing captured prisoners of war to talk. But they didn't want to use it on prisoners right away, so they decided to test-run it on some college, or just out of college, aged kids. Obviously, everybody got addicted to it, and by the time the CIA repealed it, everyone already knew how to make it. And that's why we have Ken Kesey writing One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest.

Also. I was in my school library earlier today. And I was trying to find Three Cups of Tea in the nonfiction section. I stumbled across the 800's, which all you Dewey Decimal lovers know is where they keep the "Literature." This confuses me. What makes the books in the nonfiction section of the library "literature," but Kurt Vonnegut and John Green have to sit in the fiction part of the library? Why is Virgil's Aeneid on some sort of pedestal? Because it's old? Really, that's a valid reason? Or is it a different reason that I just don't know? If anyone knows, please tell me... it's kind of bothering me, in this weird sort of way. (Among these books were Shakespeare, Dante, and that 1001 Arabian Nights.) Why are these in a nonfiction section of a library and not just labeled as "classics" or something?

So I get home from school and jump on skype, expecting to talk to Sierra (@crayolaawonderr), but she's on the phone. So I check twitter and see that John's broadcasting live! So I immediately go there and he reads some amazing poetry and answers questions for... what, an hour and a half? Two hours? Not even an hour? I can't tell. Alan was nice and gave me operator powers. I felt special. (: It was a fun show, full of product placement and Agloe talks and Willy and sellouts and... awesomeness.

A few days ago in EHAP, we discussed Niche. That man is a genius. He basically said "Up yours, Freud. We aren't controlled by our subconscious, we have free will." I totally agree. I think sometimes our actions are influenced by our subconscious, but we are ultimately responsible for our own choices, unless there is some flaw in our initial design that somehow alters our brain function (so yes, I do believe there are loonies out there). And we do get influenced by things that happen to us, but it's more of a learned behavior, you know? Like if my father did something to me when I was little that would cause me not to trust him, and I didn't trust him as I aged, that wouldn't be something that influenced me on the inside: it'd be a learned behavior. I taught myself to distrust him.

This blog is really random.

TENTACLES OUT.

I was on the Nerdfighter Ning this morning, and one of the discussion topics was "Life Changing books." So I started writing mine.

This whole year in my English class has been a life-changing experience when it comes to literature, but I'll list some that have really affected me throughout my life.

1. Harry Potter, JK Rowling. It wasn't my "spark" to reading, really, but the series and the aura around them is so amazing and it got me into the internet/nerdfighters/wrock/my friends.

2. Catcher in the Rye, JD Salinger. We're gonna read this book in English class later, so I'll be much more aware of the deeper themes/etc, but I absolutely adored this book. I felt so bad for Holden, and it sort of changed the way I portrayed myself, and how I handle personal relationships.

3. Inferno, Dante. This book taught me that absolutely nothing an author does is unintentional. Everything has a meaning, a deeper theme, a crackpot reason for existing. Plus, it helped me reevaluate the meaning of "morals" and Hell and Christianity. Love it.

4. A Separate Peace, John Knowles. Love it. Love it. Love it. It's so... I can't even explain it. If you've read it (and properly understand the symbolism), then you'll understand why it makes me cry, even before the second accident. /vague, but I don't want to spoil it. It also changed the way I thought about literature, as less of a collection of interesting idiosyncrasies of characters and plot and storytelling, but about what all of it means.

Aside from that, specifically about the book, personally about my life, it's made me reevaluate my own childhood, my own fleeting innocence, my Finnys and my Lepers and my Brinkers and me. My Bookworms will vouch that I was completely convinced I was Gene for about ten seconds in a skype call. It's like Gene is a ghost on my back, something I need to be aware of all the time. I need to look for my adulthood, because if I don't... well... it'll kill me.

5. The Adventures of Tom Sawyer, Mark Twain. At first, I hated this book. It was a summer-reading assignment, so of course I was spiteful, and didn't do a good job reading it. But then, I got to class and we talked about it. It reevaluated, like A Separate peace how I thought about literature. Of course, it did introduce me to the idea that characters run a story rather than themes, but obviously that's worked out now. Thanks, John Knowles! I think I'm going to read this one again fairly soon.

6. Twilight, Stephanie Meyer. Yeah, I hate it. We all know this. (And if you don't... well. Now you know.) But through it's horribleness, it helped me determine why I read. What I expect to get out of books. And Twilight didn't deliver that for me.

I think that about sums it up... funny how in 12 years of reading, only 7 have a lasting memory on me, and more than half have been read within the last few years. I guess I'm close to really "finding" myself, to making my judgments about literature as a whole. Close, but not quite.

And now, the booklist.

1. everything is illuminated
2. the average american male
3. inferno
4. life of pi
5. othello
6. all quiet
7. slaughterhouse-5
8. a separate peace
9. wizards (collection of short stories)
[10. cat's cradle]
[11. with the old breed]

Also, some exciting news:
@aplusk, aka Ashton Kutcher, is now following @realjohngreen, aka The One And Only John Green, on twitter. Awesome. *nerdfighters!*

I have:
* read four out of the five chapters for A Separate Peace
* collected some symbols for the reading assignment for chapters 1, 2, and 3
* taken notes for chapter 1 and part of 2
* taken all the angsty, confused-teenager blog posts off this site
* watched most of season 2 of Doogie
* five bug bites. WTF.
* prepared for my vocab test yay!

I have not (but need to):
* read the fifth chapter
* collect more symbols for all the chapters
* take notes for the chapters
* prepare for my field trip tomorrow
* talked to my teachers about my missed day due to said field trip
* trade in my Separate Peace book for one that isn't all highlighted
* watch the rest of Doogie
* given J-Lat her DVDs that I borrowed over spring break

Sorry I haven't like... updated at all.

I've already expressed my desire to please my English teacher [not like that, ew].
And my love for my father.

I mean, that's really all there is to me.

Reading Othello now. We finished Inferno. Shakespeare. God. Impossible.

Also, reading All Quiet on the Western Front. I need a fun book. Sigh.

It's 11:30. I'm exhausted. -yawn-

g'night.
-- Katy.

I'm tired. I don't want to go to school. I didn't read my homework.

Dante's Inferno. Yeah. I had to read three cantos [chapters]... four cantos... and I only read one. Cccrraaaaappppp. P-nelli's gonna hate me!! OH NO! I *must* remedy this ASAP! P-nelli must not hate me! He must adore me, praise me, love me more than any of his other students! I must be his favorite! He must not glare at me!!

I'm so scared.

Oh, P-nelli... forgive me...

*reads like the devil*