karatetentacles

and I will dance.

I will dance on the highest building, when the world is falling apart,
I will dance as the waves come in, crushing all, suffocating,
And while the world is sleeping,
waiting for doom,
hearing the sirens,
knowing the end is near,
not willing to accept their fates,
not willing to take on their destinies,
I will know the time has come and I will dance.

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kansas -

when I stand here, see the plains stretched across for miles and miles,
I see straight into the future, see straight into the past.
I need to escape this constant plane of time,
where all is visible.
it s t r e t c h e s so far, but not far enough:
I want to know more about past and future,
I want to know what's coming, I try and find,
search for answers, frantically,
terrified of what's to come, of what I've done.

but when mountains surround me,
I find peace.

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People always claim that nature is calming.
I have my doubts.
You've heard the birds chirping into the late night, all hours of the day, constantly fearing for their lives, for their safety, hungry and searching and calling out to others? The birds aren't calmed, they're alert.
And you've seen the ants, always busy, always working.
And the flies and bugs and beetles: always buzzing, even at five in the morning, getting in the way and becoming a nuisance.
And walking in nature -- not a walk in a park. Not even a walk in the park is a walk in the park. It takes concentration, focus, no time to let thoughts wander. Look out, a stray stick, a stray rock! Head's up, dog shit, horse shit. That rock looks loose, that one seems safe, tread with caution.
This is not peace.
This is chaos, this is nature.

I was talking to my friend Jennifer yesterday, reflecting on my camp experience, she reflected on her high school career and her camp experience from the previous year. She said something that really inspired me.

"I don't do 'big problems,' you know? I do little things. This past year, I made an effort to know everyone in StuCo. I would wave at the freshmen and make myself recognizable and known so that we, as a student body, would feel more connected and more like a 'club.'"*

Sometimes that's all anyone needs. Someone to reach out and make themselves available, and I know how cool I felt with her as one of my friends: exec board senior student council member. I mean, not everyone needs to tackle cancer or support the Invisible Children, and while those causes are amazing and admirable, what Jennifer was doing was just as beneficial, just on a smaller scale. So my eighth resolution mirrors hers:

8) Make an effort to get to know everyone in student council. Reach out to the freshman, offer my support and guidance to anyone who wants/needs it.

It's still hard for me to not be at camp, to not constantly talk about it; I can't even listen to my DFTBA Records Compilation album because the only thing I've been able to stand is the mix CD Kyle (one of my junior counselors) made for everyone.

*no, my memory isn't that good. I paraphrased pretty sufficiently. But I made her sound pretty awesome, amirite? <3

I'm not sure if I can make myself do a whole camp-run-down thing... it's just so hard to express everything I felt that week in just words, all the people I met in just words, all the things we did in just words. I could try, but everything we experienced is so intangible, and even if I explain it... I don't know. It's not the same, I guess.

Anyway. Here are a few resolutions I'm taking with me from camp:

1) Waking up early to squeeze as much out of a day as is possible.
2) Getting more involved in community service and volunteering.
3) Making sure everything I do has purpose and meaning.
4) "Don't ask yourself what the world needs. Ask yourself what makes you come alive, and go do that. Because what the world needs is people who come alive." - Howard Thurman
5) Remaining in the same mindset as I was in camp.
6) Continuing to be a "stuco kid."
7) Keeping a positive, optimistic attitude, and trying to smile as much as possible.

----

"The people at camp are the role models of society - the genuinely good people. The people who wave to strangers on park benches and always say thank you to bus drivers and garbage men and flight attendants; who have passions and aspirations and want to change the world, or at least a small part of it. The ones who love deeply and honestly; who put their hearts into everything they do, who you can't help but like even after the stories of Friday night's party.

I can honestly say I grew so much as a person, that I'm less selfish and better prepared to take on the world. My goals seem tangible, intentional, and that I'm able to accomplish them."

-- camp journal reflections excerpt, from the plane, July 5th 2009